Be the Sunshine: When Life Gets Hard, Don't Make It Harder for the People You Love
When life gets hard, don't become another hard thing in someone else's life.
I recently read an old fable attributed to Aesop called The North Wind and the Sun, and I took something incredibly meaningful from it, especially as a father.
It's a simple story, but I think it teaches a lesson that could dramatically improve the way we treat the people we love.
The North Wind and the Sun
One day, the North Wind and the Sun were arguing about which of them was stronger.
As they argued, they noticed a man walking down the road wearing a coat. They decided to settle their disagreement with a challenge: whoever could get the man to take off his coat would be declared the strongest.
The North Wind went first.
It blew as hard as it could, sending powerful gusts of wind toward the traveler, trying to rip the coat right off his back.
But something interesting happened.
The harder the Wind blew, the tighter the man wrapped his coat around himself.
No matter how hard the Wind tried, the man refused to let go.
Eventually, the Wind gave up.
Then the Sun took its turn.
Instead of trying to force the man's coat off, the Sun simply began to shine.
As the sunlight warmed the traveler, he began to get comfortable. Eventually, he became so warm that he took his coat off all on his own.
The Sun had accomplished effortlessly what the Wind couldn't accomplish with all its strength.
The lesson is simple: Gentleness can accomplish what force cannot.
Be the Sunshine in Your Family's Life
As a dad, I think there's an incredibly powerful lesson here.
Life gets stressful.
Your kids misbehave. Your spouse has a bad day. You're exhausted after work. The house is a mess. You didn't get enough sleep. Things aren't going the way you planned.
And sometimes, it's incredibly easy to respond with frustration, anger, or impatience.
Maybe your child is having a meltdown, and you raise your voice because you just want them to listen.
Maybe your spouse is frustrated about something, and instead of trying to understand what's bothering them, you get defensive.
Maybe you're simply having a terrible day, and you find yourself taking it out on the people closest to you.
I've come to realize that in these situations, we often become the North Wind.
We try to force things to go our way. We get louder, more frustrated, and more impatient.
But just like the traveler holding onto his coat, the people around us often become more defensive.
Our frustration creates more frustration.
Our anger creates more anger.
And suddenly, a situation that could have been resolved with a little patience becomes something much bigger.
But what if we tried being the Sun instead?
What if, when our children were having a difficult time, we responded with patience instead of immediately getting angry?
What if, when our spouse was stressed, we tried to make their day a little easier instead of adding to their frustration?
What if we made an effort to be the person who brings a little peace into an already stressful situation?
I'm not saying we should never get angry, never discipline our children, or never stand up for ourselves.
And I'm certainly not saying we have to be happy all the time.
But there's a difference between being firm and being harsh. There's a difference between correcting someone's behavior and making them feel worse.
We can hold boundaries, teach lessons, and handle difficult situations while still treating people with kindness.
The Kind of Father I Want to Be
I've been thinking a lot lately about the kind of memories I want my children to have of me.
Years from now, when my kids are grown and have families of their own, I don't want them to remember me as someone they had to tiptoe around when I was having a bad day.
I don't want them to remember that when things got difficult, Dad made everything more difficult.
I want them to remember that they could come to me when they were struggling.
That I was patient with them when they made mistakes.
That when life was overwhelming, I could help make things a little easier.
And I know I'm not always going to get that right. Nobody does.
There will be days when I'm exhausted, frustrated, or impatient. There will be times when I react poorly.
But that's all the more reason to keep this lesson in mind.
Because the way we respond to the people we love, especially during difficult moments, helps shape the relationships we'll have with them for the rest of our lives.
Something You Can Start Doing Today
The next time someone frustrates you, especially someone you love, I want you to try something.
Before reacting, pause for just a moment and ask yourself:
"Am I being the wind, or am I being the sunshine?"
Are you about to make this situation harder, or can you make it a little easier?
Can you lower your voice?
Can you show a little patience?
Can you try to understand what the other person is experiencing before responding?
Sometimes, that tiny pause is all it takes to turn a difficult interaction into an opportunity to strengthen a relationship.
And if you don't get it right, apologize. Try again next time.
You don't have to be perfect. You just have to keep trying.
Because ultimately, the people we love are going to experience enough difficulties in their lives without us adding to them.
When life gets hard, don't become another hard thing in someone else's life.
Be the person who makes difficult days a little easier.
Be the sunshine.
How to Stop Living Paycheck to Paycheck: The 4-Account System
This article is for people who feel like they are constantly living paycheck to paycheck.
Finances, just like fitness, are one of those parts of life that can have a massive impact on the quality of it. They are also something a lot of people constantly battle.
You get paid. You pay some bills. You spend whatever is left. Then you wait for the next payday and do it all over again.
You are constantly moving money around, but never really getting anywhere.
Another common trap is making a decent amount of money, spending almost all of it, and telling yourself:
“If I could just make a little more, then I would finally be able to save.”
Then you get the raise.
And somehow your spending increases right along with it.
A year later, you are making more money but still waiting for the next raise to finally feel financially secure.
Depending on how you measure it, around two out of every three Americans live paycheck to paycheck. A similarly large percentage of Americans do not regularly create a budget.
Without a plan for your money, it is incredibly easy to stay in the same financial cycle even as your income increases.
The good news is that taking control of your finances can be as complicated or as simple as you want to make it.
I prefer simple.
I believe one of the easiest systems to follow is one that reduces how often you have to rely on discipline in the first place.
The goal is not to become amazing at making financial decisions every single day.
The goal is to build a system where most of those decisions have already been made.
Step 1: Figure Out Where Your Money Is Actually Going
Before you can build a budget, you need to understand what you are already doing with your money.
Start by downloading your bank and credit card transactions for the last three to six months.
Twelve months is even better because it will help you catch annual expenses, holidays, insurance payments, car repairs, subscriptions, and other expenses that may not show up every month.
If possible, download the transactions as CSV files.
Before uploading anything to an AI chatbot, remove account numbers or any other personal information that is not necessary for the analysis.
Then upload the files and use this prompt:
I’m going to upload CSVs from my bank accounts and credit cards.
Analyze them and help me build a realistic monthly budget based on my actual spending.
Please:
Identify my recurring bills and subscriptions
Categorize my spending
Find my biggest spending habits and problem areas
Avoid double-counting transfers and credit card payments
Estimate my average monthly income and spending
Identify expenses I should create sinking funds for
Separate essential spending from discretionary spending
Recommend a realistic monthly budget
Tell me how much of each paycheck should go into:
Bills checking
Spending checking
Sinking-fund savings
Emergency savings
If I’m paid biweekly, build my normal monthly budget around only two paychecks per month. Treat the two months each year with a third paycheck as bonus-income months rather than relying on that money for normal monthly expenses.
Recommend how those extra paychecks should be split between emergency savings, sinking funds, debt payoff or investing, and optional spending.
If you’re unsure what a transaction is, ask me instead of guessing.
Base everything on the data I upload, and show me the biggest opportunities to improve.
This should give you a much clearer picture of where your money is going and what your budget should realistically look like.
Step 2: Set Up Four Accounts
Next, set up four separate accounts.
You want two checking accounts and two savings accounts, preferably high-yield savings accounts for money you do not need to access every day.
Checking Account 1 — Spending
Use this for groceries, gas, restaurants, clothing, entertainment, and other everyday purchases.Checking Account 2 — Bills
Use this for rent or mortgage, utilities, phone, insurance, subscriptions, and other recurring bills.High-Yield Savings Account 1 — Sinking Fund
Use this for planned future expenses like gifts, car repairs, registration, annual fees, travel, home expenses, and other costs you know are eventually coming.High-Yield Savings Account 2 — Emergency Fund
Use this only for true emergencies such as job loss, major medical expenses, or unexpected major repairs.
Your emergency fund should eventually cover roughly three to six months of your essential expenses.
Step 3: Split Every Paycheck Automatically
Now take the budget you created and determine exactly how much of every paycheck should go into each account.
For example, every time you get paid:
A set amount goes to your bills account.
A set amount goes to your spending account.
A set amount goes to your sinking fund.
A set amount goes to your emergency fund.
If you are paid biweekly, build your normal lifestyle around two paychecks per month.
That means the two months each year when you receive a third paycheck become opportunities to make serious financial progress.
Instead of relying on those extra checks to pay normal bills, you can use them for things like:
Building your emergency fund
Paying down debt
Funding sinking funds
Investing
Saving for a major goal
Allowing yourself a small amount of guilt-free spending
You can even create a rule ahead of time for exactly how extra money gets divided.
The same rule can apply to bonuses, overtime, tax refunds, side income, or money you make selling something.
The important part is deciding what happens to that money before it arrives.
Step 4: Make Yourself Feel More Broke Than You Actually Are
This is the part of the system that I think makes it work so well.
Imagine you have $4,000 sitting in one checking account.
You know your mortgage is coming out in two weeks.
Your electric bill is coming out next week.
Your insurance payment is coming.
You want to save some money.
But every time you open your banking app, you see:
$4,000
Your brain can easily interpret that as:
“I have $4,000.”
But you do not.
A large portion of that money already has a job.
Now imagine instead that your bills, savings, and sinking funds are sitting in separate accounts.
You open your spending account and it says:
$500
And you have to make that $500 last until your next paycheck.
That creates a completely different feeling.
You might technically have thousands of dollars elsewhere, but that money is already spoken for.
Your bills account is not spending money.
Your emergency fund is not spending money.
Your sinking fund is not spending money.
If your spending account says $500, then as far as your day-to-day life is concerned, you have $500.
No ifs, ands, or buts.
Yes, this still requires some discipline.
You can technically transfer money from your other accounts whenever you want.
But it is much easier to control your spending when your spending account says $500 than when your checking account says $4,000.
You are creating a barrier between yourself and the money you do not want to spend.
That is the whole point.
The Goal
Eventually, you should reach a point where your emergency fund is fully built.
At that point, the money you had been sending there every paycheck can start going toward bigger goals.
That could mean investing, paying off debt faster, saving for a house, starting a business, or building long-term wealth.
We can talk about that in another article.
For now, the goal is simple:
Know where your money is going.
Give every paycheck a plan.
Separate the money you can spend from the money you cannot.
And stop relying on yourself to make the right financial decision every single day.
Build a system that makes the right decision easier.
Calories: How to be the exact weight you want to be.
Inches, grams, centimeters, pounds, dollars — these are all units of measure. Some measure distance, some weight, some currency. Calories are a unit of measure for energy.
Just like you should have a budget for the dollars you spend, you should also have a budget for the calories you consume. If you spend too many dollars, you go broke; if you consume too many calories, you gain weight.
Simple as that.
There are real benefits to eating a protein-heavy diet with lots of fresh, whole foods, but when it comes to your weight, the only thing that truly matters is the number of calories you eat versus the number you burn.
How do I know what my calorie budget should be?
The easiest way to find out your calorie budget—or, in other words, your Total Daily Energy Expenditure (TDEE)—is to go to tdeecalculator.net.
Fill out the information and leave the activity level set to sedentary. From there, you’ll see your maintenance calories, which represent the amount of energy your body burns even if you stayed in bed all day.
How do I gain or lose weight?
You gain or lose weight by eating more or fewer calories than you burn. Eat more than you burn, and your body will store that excess energy—either as body fat or muscle (more on this in another article).
If your maintenance calories are 2,000 and you eat 2,500 per day, you will gain weight.
If your maintenance calories are 2,000 and you eat 1,500 per day, you will lose weight.
If your maintenance calories are 2,000 and you eat 2,000 per day, you will maintain your weight.
How do I find my calorie budget to achieve my goal weight?
If you are trying to gain weight, add 300 calories to your maintenance.
If you are trying to lose weight, subtract 300 calories from your maintenance.
Weigh yourself.
Eat your goal-calorie amount for 1–2 weeks.
Weigh yourself again.
Adjust calories as needed.
Repeat until you reach your goal.
This is simple, but not easy.
There are many nuances and tricks to keeping calories low while still enjoying foods you love. That’s where I come in. I will make you a personal meal plan so you don’t have to worry about the calories or the planning. Click here to buy a personalized meal plan today.
The best time to start losing weight was a year ago. The next best time is right now.
-Nic